today i will be happier than a bird with a french fry
by ShippersCouldRuleAPerfectWorld
Summary: Read the AN at the beginning. I have a 'Words to Live by' Calender and for every month I have written a fanfiction corresponding to that month's words to live by. This is April 2014 and it is the title of the fic. This is a 'no war' au. There is Fourtris, Zeke/Shauna, Christina/Will, and Uriah/Marlene. It is a truth or dare / Candor or Dauntless fic.


**AN: Alright, so I got a message claiming the ending was a bit inappropriate. Looking back, I can see how there would be some who think it is inappropriate. I will warn you now: The f-bomb is dropped a few times, as well as a dare about the game '(f-bomb), Marry, and Kill.' Two people are told to get a room and someone uses their middle finger. If you feel that is inappropriate, I am sorry. I know that there are sensitive teenagers out there but most teenagers I know have no problem with that kind of stuff. I know that there are even elementary school kids who don't either. So I am sorry if you are one of those, but I do not think that it changes the rating of my story.**

It was almost four years after Tris, Christina, Will, Marlene, and Uriah had started as Dauntless initiates and Zeke was throwing another 'Candor or Dauntless' party. He had them quite often, at least once every four months, but this was a special occasion party. It was for Tris' 20th birthday, but instead of giving presents Tris said she just wanted another of the embarrassing parties. It was their normal group, Zeke, Four, Uriah, Will, Shauna, Christina, Tris, Marlene, and Lynn. The party was to start at nine, directly after dinner; it would continue until one in the afternoon the next day.

Everyone arrived at nine on the dot. The rules were normal, you are asked 'Candor or Dauntless' and you have to choose one. Then the person asks you a question that you have to answer truthfully or tells you a dare you must complete, depending on your answer. If you do not want to, you must remove an item of clothing that is not shoes or socks. The first few times Tris played she was not looking forward to it but the game grew on her. Uriah would record the whole thing.

They sat in a circle in Zeke's living room, the furniture pushed to the sides. The coffee table by the wall was covered in snacks. Once everyone was comfortable, Zeke clapped his hands. "Alright, I think birthday girl should start!" Everyone else cheered their agreement as Tris blushed at the attention.

She looked around, deciding on her victim. "Christina, Candor or Dauntless?" She grinned at her friend who eyed her suspiciously in return

"Dauntless," Christina answered, weariness creeping into her tone.

"I dare you to take of the makeup you are currently wearing." Christina refused, taking off her shirt.

Christina looked around, her eyes locking on Zeke. "Candor or Dauntless, Zeke?" Her mind was already turning, knowing his answer.

"Dauntless, of course." She grinned, getting the answer she wanted.

"Zeke, I dare you and Four to act out an overdramatic, chick-flick worthy break up." Tris laughed, knowing exactly where this dare was coming from. It was a particular dream Christina had where they were all in a terrible chick-flick.

Zeke and Four glanced at each other and Four shrugged. They both stood up and met in the middle of the circle. Four grabbed Zeke's biceps as Zeke put his hands on Four's chest, pushing him away. Zeke turned his head and started crying.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Four pleaded, his voice was desperate and tears forming in his eyes. "I need you, you can't leave me."

Zeke shook his head, "It's better for both of us." His voice broke, but he continued, "We can't rely on each other forever. We both have to learn to stand on our own."

"No, I can't live without you. I –" Zeke put a finger to Four's lips.

"Please," Zeke met Four's eyes, "don't say it. It will only make this harder for both of us. Just remember that I feel the same, and I always will." Four's arms fell limply to his sides as Zeke turned and walked away. Four sunk to the ground on his knees.

"Don't do this to me." Four whispered once more, "I need you. I'll die without you." Zeke glanced back for a second.

"No, you won't." With that, Zeke took his seat while Four stood and went to his. Some of the others had tears in their eyes and Christina was sobbing into Will's shoulder.

"That was…" Tris paused, searching for the right word, "heart-wrenching." She kissed Four briefly.

"Encore!" Uriah yelled behind a camera.

"Take a bow!" Will told them, and Zeke and Four stood once more, taking deep bows before sitting down again.

"Will, Candor or Dauntless?" Zeke asked Will.

"Dauntless." Will replied, still rubbing his girlfriend's back as her crying died down.

"I dare you to find Peter and kiss him on the mouth for five seconds." To everyone's immense surprise, Will nodded. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of the extreme hot sauce.

"It's a damn good thing a built up immunity to this when I was younger." He declared before taking a large swig. He didn't swallow, but gestured towards the door as a sign for them to lead the way to Peter. It didn't take long to find him and when they did, Zeke punched him in the face.

"What the-" Peter said, but he was cut off by Will kissing him. Having been in the middle of shouting, Will didn't have to pry Peter's mouth open to give him the hot sauce. As soon as five seconds had passed, Will pushed Peter away and walked back down the hall, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Peter was left on the ground, spitting out the hot sauce and crying at the burning sensation.

As the group walked back everyone cheered. "You only said I had to kiss him for five seconds. You never said I couldn't add my own twist to the dare." Will pointed out and Zeke raised his hand in defeat, grinning all the while.

When they were back in the room and sitting down, Will looked towards Shauna. "Shauna, Candor or Dauntless?"

"I choose Dauntless." She rolled her eyes as if it was obvious

"I dare you to call Zeke's mother, crying, and tell her that Zeke has been cheating on you." Shauna grinned as Zeke paled.

"My mother is going to kill me," he muttered. Four held his index finger and thumb only an inch apart, the universal sign for 'just a bit'. "Thank you, Four. You are so helpful and comforting."

"Hello, Hana?" Shauna sobbed. She was holding the phone in her hand on speaker phone.

"Shauna? What happened? Are Zeke and Uriah okay?" Hana immediately asked.

"I-I just found out that Ze-Zeke was cheating on me. Hana, I don't know what to d-do. I loved him. I still love him." Shauna cried into the phone. There was silence for a minute.

"HE DID WHAT?!" Hana screams. "I RAISED THAT LITTLE BASTARD BETTER THAN THAT, WHERE IS HE?! I'M GOING TO WRING HIS NECK!" Zeke snatched the phone quickly.

"MOM, CALM DOWN, I'M NOT CHEATING ON SHAUNA. WE'RE PLAYING 'CANDOR OR DAUNTLESS' FOR TRIS' BIRTHDAY AND WILL DARED SHAUNA TO CALL YOU, CRYING, SAYING I CHEATED ON HER. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO KILL ME, SO PLEASE DON'T!" He screeched, terrified.

"Is that true, Shauna?" Hana asked, suspicion painting her tone.

"Yes, it is. I'm sorry for the inconvenience." Shauna called.

"Alright, well have fun! Zeke, take this as the warning it is though. Cheat on that girl and it will be the last thing you do. Who else is there?" Hana asked, chipper. Zeke listed off the names. "Four, Will, and Uriah my warning applies to you too. If you ladies ever find out they're cheating on you, come to me and I can guarantee they will regret it." The phone beeped, signaling that Hana had hung up. Zeke, Uriah, Four, and Will shivered. The girls grinned. Four kissed Tris, both of them shutting out the world for a minute.

"Alright, Lynn, Candor or Dauntless?" Shauna called everyone's attention back to the game.

"Let's go with Candor. No one's chosen that yet."

"Pansycake!" Lynn ignored Uriah.

"What is the most embarrassing thing to happen to you?" Shauna asked.

"When I was fifteen I was talking to this person I had a crush on and some kids ran up and pantsed me, right in front of them." Lynn mumbled. She looked around. "Marlene, Candor or Dauntless?"

"Candor." Marlene slapped a hand over Uriah's mouth before he could say anything.

"If you had to kill one person in this room, who would it be?" Lynn asked.

"I honestly don't know." Marlene shrugged. "Four, Candor or Dauntless?"

"Dauntless." Four answered.

"I dare you and Tris not to kiss or touch for the rest of the game." Marlene's only reply was Four immediately removing his shirt.

"Good try Marlene, but I don't think we could do anything if they were both down to their underwear and we dared them." Christina laughed. To prove a point, Tris walked over to Four and sat in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder.

"Uriah," Four was interrupted by Uriah.

"Dauntless."

"I dare you not to choose Dauntless for the rest of the game." Uriah shook his head, taking off his shirt.

"Tris?" Uriah asked.

"Candor." Tris answered.

"Pansycake," Uriah muttered before continuing, "Alright, fuck, marry, and kill with Peter, Eric, and Max. Who would get what?"

"Oh fuck no," Tris swore, leaning away from Four so she could take her shirt off. "Fuck none, marry none and kill all." As Tris sat back, Four turned her face towards his and kissed her again.

"Get a room!" Christina shouted. Without looking, Tris flicked her off. "Aw, look! Our little Abnegation Tris has begun flicking people off! They grow up so fast!"

"Guys, we've spent most of our time joking off. It's almost seven in the morning and we all have work tomorrow. I suggest we go to sleep." Lynn called and everyone agreed. Those who had removed their shirts put them back on and everyone settled down to sleep.

"Did you have a good birthday, Tris?" Four asked the girl whose head was lying on his chest.

"It reminded me of a saying I read in a book for school a long time ago." She whispered.

"Oh?"

"'Today I will be happier than a bird with a French fry.' I can honestly say that today I was happier than a bird with a French fry." Four chuckled and they both fell asleep quickly.


End file.
